My journey

I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for more years of life than years I haven’t. After losing my brother in college I experienced waves of grief so it big it felt like it consumed me. I pushed on by numbing out. As the years passed I achieved great things, won awards, got into prestigious schools, and landed competitive jobs. My life looked impressive on the outside but my pain was becoming more and more unbearable. Anxiety so intense I couldn’t eat and would wake up so nauseous I’d throw up. Depression that had me curled in a ball crying. Always on edge, ready for what could go wrong. Neck and shoulder pain that become chronic. No matter what I did nothing lessened the pain. Numbing out was the only way through and yet the more I numbed the worse things got.

Rock bottom looked like constant anxiety, suicidal depression, smoking weed daily, becoming a recluse, being told by a Physical Therapist I’d need pain meds, and hating my life despite being “successful”.

Thank god for rock bottom. I was willing to try anything and began working with somatic aka body focused practitioners.

I slowly started to learn that

• My physical and emotion pain wasn’t something to be numbed out - in fact they’re my greatest teachers

• Experiencing trauma shaped my nervous system to see the world as negative and scary and thus I experienced the world this way

• We can't think our way to healing. It is a felt, embodied journey to safety, dignity, and belonging

Today I feel more free and joyful than ever. My body holds so much less tension. I still have waves of intense emotions but I lean into them and use it to process my old wounds rather than run away or numbed out.

We heal by connecting with our body.